Friday, April 21, 2006

In-between days

I swear there are days when I am absolutely nowhere.

Days when I can't get up in the morning, lying there as my alarm goes off every ten minutes. Lying through digitised birdsong for three or four hours. Unable to reach over to the bedside locker to turn off my phone.

Days when I sit in front of the TV just like I used to do after school. Except now, with the glory of bit torrent, I've got all the shows I want and no ads or Australian soaps.

... in it for himself, as always...
Days when I'm just in it for myself, as always and when I just have it in for myself... as always.

Days when I need a good kick up, into the arse but who's gonna do it?
- I will!
- I will!
- I'll do it!
- Get in line.

Days when I know I'm only days away from project deadline and I'm still waiting for someone else to come along and do it for me.

Days when I know that I'm heading for a disaster but I know there's nothing I can do about it. So, what's the point in trying.

Days when I explode in anger because they put ketchup on my chicken burger instead of mayonnaise. Or seethe in beautiful rage because someone has stacked the dishes in the sink when I go to wash them. Or throw my eyes to the gods because someone's dug up the garden with cutlery. Or explode in venomous scorn at a radio ad. Or not care at all that I barely passed that exam but if I had studied...

Days when all she has to say is elephant juice and it damn near breaks my heart.

And there are days when I hope that tomorrow, maybe I'll have the guts to start over and do what has to be done before I'm done.

Early to bed and early to rise
Makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise
Up all night and in bed all day
I often heard my father say
“It's bad for your health
And you know it too
If you don't stop
It'll soon stop you.”

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