Gonna wash that man right out of my...

... chair?

Last night, in Galway, Trish and I went to see "A Play On Two Chairs." It's by Michael West and produced by Mangiare Theatre Company. Mr Jaimie Carswell stars alongside Ms. Joanne Mitchell and it's a blast. About fifty minutes of amazing strangeness that feels like half that time. It's on in the Hawk's Well on Friday night and I highly, highly recommend that you get along to see it.

Now, how do I get my shirt back off of Carswell...?

Thank the gods for the youngsters

Well. The less said about yesterday's final the better. One thing though. Because I am such a champion of the underdog, I sometimes fail to give enough credit to the really successful counties and their players. I have to hand it to Kerry; they are superb in everything they do. And what players they have in the O Se's and Cooper and Donaghy and so many more. If they were Armagh men for example, I wouldn't stop on about them. So, congratulations Kerry, well done.

--

The other thing about Kerry is that they keep producing new talent. Take the midfielder on yesterday's Kerry minor team; Walsh I think his name is. A fantastic footballer who could walk onto any senior team in the country.

Now, the minors. It was totally remiss of me not to mention the minor final before this. Roscommon played Kerry in a curtain-raiser that upstaged the headliner. My dad's from Roscommon and he lived every minute of yesterday's match. So did I.

Twenty-seven minutes in and Kerry were cruising at 0-8 to 0-3. Walsh was pulling every ball from the sky at midfield and the Kerry forwards were killing the Ros defense.

Thankfully, Roscommon remembered how they had beaten Meath in the semi-final and, with a couple of changes, they got stuck in. Donal Shine was switched to midfield where he put some manners on Walsh. And from here, it all started to go right for the Westerners. Roscommon knocked over eight unanswered points in thirteen of the most incredible minutes of football seen this year.

Half-time score: Kerry 0-8 : 0-6 Roscommon.

Roscommon restarted as they had paused - they banged over another three points - and with about twenty minutes to go they took the lead at 0-9 to 0-8.

I muted the TV from where I was sitting in Claremorris and I could hear my old man roaring in Mohill.

But Kerry are Kerry and back they came. With ten minutes or so to go, they were up 0-12 to 0-11. It was (cliche alert!) roller coaster stuff now.

Roscommon equalised. Kerry retook the lead. Then, Roscommon hit two to go 0-14 to 0-13 with one minute left! By this stage I didn't have to kill the sound on the TV to hear Jim Snr.

Kerry equalised and straight afterwards went back in front due to a terrible kick-out by the Roscommon goalkeeper. And that was it. Kerry All Ireland Minor Champions.

Hang on, that wasn't it.

How to be so young and so fucking cool, I don't know.

Roscommon's O Gara, with his back practically to goal, slotted the ball over the bar. I went apeshit. The final whistle and it was all over, for now.

A draw and all to do again. I rang home. Trish had a laugh listening to two men who could hardly speak trying to have a conversation.

Just this once...

Tomorrow is All Ireland Football Day. You can blow all the shite you like about an over-priced golf tournament but football is still the only game in town.

Mayo are at it again. Raising everyone's hopes as they go for Sam. They were last here two years ago when they were comprehensibly beaten by Kerry. Who are they up against this time? Yup... Kerry.

I was in Croke Park last month when Mayo walked up the Hill and said to the Dubliners - hi, we're from The West and we're here to win, you can watch if you like. And win they did in the most magnificent match I have ever witnessed at Jones Road.

But beating a much fancied Dublin side is one thing; going up against the Kings of the South is a different kettle of fish. My head says Kerry will win tomorrow but my heart (which has been stolen by Mayo already this year) says Sam's going to cross the Shannon. Please Mayo, don't break my heart.

--

I couldn't get tickets for tomorrow's final so I'm going to watch it in the next best place - Claremorris, Co. Mayo. If Mayo win, I'll be right in the thick of celebrations. If they lose, I can bring my vast Leitrim experience of disappointment to bear.

Tough place to get into

A bunch of young lads came into the shop a minute ago looking to get on a computer or two. We were full up so I told them try again in a while. One of them points to a customer.

- He's not eighteen, he says.

Keep your hands inside the car at all times

Two in the morning and I get a phone call from the Quare One who's supposed to be driving from Claremorris to Westport to pick up her brother.

Phone rings.
- Hi, says me.
- Hi (sound of the car) ring me back.

So I ring her back and it rings and then I hear her take a deep breath and...

- Hey you won't guess what, her voice is buzzing - everything's happening. I'm in the kitchen and Mammy said I better get going and I'm not supposed to be gone for a hour but she says I never give myself enough time. What if I got a flat? I said if I got a flat the last thing I'd be worried about is getting to Westport on time. Aw now she said. So off I go and guess what I'm just left Claremorris when bang! The back tire gone-
- Jesus, are you-
- I pull in. After her saying it! So I changed my first tire. I'm so happy with myself she had to go and say it. All these cars passed by me and no-one stopped until I'm screwing on the last nut and this car stops. A big man gets out and before he says it I'm you're too late, I've it done. So he gets all defensive, I was only seeing if you're ok so I said ah fare play you're the only one who stopped-
- So, you're ok-
- Then down the road there's the guards and Jesus! a fox just rang in front of me I nearly killed a fox!
- At the guards?
- No just now. I nearly drove through him. There's a full moon out tonight everyone's nuts. So, then there's a Garda check-point and the black face on me from changing the tire-
- Huh?
- And I stop and say ok? like come on I don't care what you throw at me ok let's go and me with the big black head. But he waves me on never even noticed the tax is out of date-
- So you're alright?
- Yeah, I'm grand.
- Are you driving now?
- Yeah.
- Baby, you shouldn't be on the phone when you're drving.
- They're gone now he waved me on.
- Oh.
- I'll go now though.
- Text me when you're home and safe.
- Ok. Bye.
- Bye.

Meteor-shite

All art is useless.

About two months ago I changed from Vodafone to Meteor simply because it's cheaper. I'd have changed a lot sooner if I had known but I didn't. I asked the man in the phone shop what the catch was when he showed me the comparison between what I was spending on 087 and what Meteor would cost. He said that there wasn't a catch except that 085 hasn't got 100% coverage but you could always go over to the O2 network for no charge. I asked him was it not the case that Meteor was only cheaper on Meteor to Meteor calls? He agreed that the 5c calls were in-network only but even taking that aside, Meteor was the cheapest.

So I switched to Meteor and he was right; it's a hell of a lot cheaper and if ever I do have reception problems, I just change over to the O2 network. But the whole time I kept thinking, why didn't anyone tell me?

Then I started taking notice of the Meteor ads. Especially the TV ones. You've probably seen them; they are the ads with the two really annoying chicks above. One girl wants free texts, the other wants 5c calls. I have seen those damn ads for ages now without even realising who or what they were selling until after switching to 085. All I got from the ad was - wow, what an annoying ad.

Now, I'll tell you this. If Meteor had just done an ad that said - hi, with Meteor you can call anyone at anytime for 20c a minute. Vodafone cost X cent per minute and O2 charge Y cent per minute but with us it's just 20c - if only the ad had said that instead of Bimbo Blond and Bimbo Brunette prancing about the place, I'd have switched ages ago. All the ad needed to do was show me what the man in the phone shop showed me.

Whenever I've suggested to friends that they should switch to 085 because it's cheaper, frequently I've gotten the reply that it's only cheaper for Meteor to Meteor calls. Obviously Meteor hasn't gotten the message out.

What's my point? Why should I care if Meteor doesn't increase its market share?

Well it's not that I give a shit about Meteor.

My point is that advertising has gotten so big and slick and intricate and elaborate that it has completely and entirely ended up, embedded in it's own arse. Advertising has missed its own point.

Advertising is intrusive. That's why I dislike it so much. But now that it's not even serving its own purpose, it has become degenerative. Decadent even.

Oscar Wilde once said that all art is useless. As is advertising now. However, not everything has changed. Unlike art, all advertising is still soulless.

What's he building in there?

I was reading No Logo in my room and when I read the bit I quoted in the last post, I actually whooped. Some kid outside whooped in reply only to be shushed by his parent. I'm beginning to think that my behavour - leaving the curtains open even when I'm going for a shower, roaring at the telly, shouting along to Lyric FM, having people doing fire stuff in the back garden, roaring at The Last Word, doing the dishes at three in the morning, roaring at the microwave, roaring at everything to be honest - is making me into the neighbour you avoid.

Cool.

Ad block him if only ad been shown how

I came across the following in No Logo (I've finally gotten round to reading it and so far it's pretty good). The quote is from a Jack Myers. Mr. Myers is or was an American marketer and he made the following claim in regard to possible legislation for the advertising industry. He called such activity as "adbashing".

"We, as an industry, must recognise that adbasing is a threat to capatilism, to a free press, to our basic forms of entertainment, and to the future of our children."

It's the bit about the children that I love best.

He's a dark horse, that one

Check out Paul's blog here.

That lad's mad

Walking down pedestrianised O Connell St today (walking the white line because what's the point of it being pedestrianised if you're gonna stick to the footpath?) and I was listening to The Last Word on my headphones. I was getting royally pissed off over whatever item Cooper was covering when I realised that I was making my feelings known to everyone on the street. And people were kind of looking at me.

- Bollix! That's not an answer. Answer the fucking question.

Now it's one thing to sing along to your Walkman but it's quite different to join in with talk radio. In fact, that's just plain crazy.

Ok Andy

In The Sportsman, Andy Gray had this to say about Roy Keane -

I've no doubt Keane will make a good boss. He's in the same mould as Daglish, Souness and Robson.

Ok, there's a problem with the statement above. Can anyone spot it?

Day of days

Well, how to describe yesterday in Croke Park.

Leitrim played a final in Croke Park. Something I never saw before and who knows when I'll see it again. The emotion of seeing men I know running out onto that pitch along with the size of the Leitrim support was nothing to the emotion of the defeat. We were, we are just not good enough and it kills me to say it. It's not like I didn't know this before yesterday but the final confirmed it. We just don't have enough players to choose from and unless there's an incredible baby boom soon, I can't see us going anywhere. I was crying at the full-time whistle.

Two things about it though. When Christopher Carroll was taken off yesterday, I stood and applauded what was probably his last appearance for Leitrim. The man has been a great servant to his county and he deserved to go out in Croke Park. It's just a shame that he didn't get a medal.

And the other thing was Declan Maxwell (another probable retiree). He almost swung it back for us. Unfortunately, the ball didn't get into him enough. His last point, the last point of the game was the finest score of the day. And when you consider the quality of the game that followed, that's some achievement.

Poor Leitrim. Apparently that's what they were saying on the TV. Boy, am I sick of hearing that.

--

Now... Mayo v. Dublin.

I have been to a lot of football matches. I've been to Croke Park on a number of occasions. Yesterday's semi-final was one of the finest matches I have ever had the privilege to be a part of.

The game had everything. How can I describe it without using cliches? The brilliant idea of Mayo to warm-up in front of the Hill. The ensuing reaction from the Dublin fans, footballers and coaches showed that they were rattled. It then took Dublin seventeen minutes to score!

By that stage, Mayo were four points up. To be honest, I thought they should have been further ahead; they had a couple of goal chances that they put over the bar. Dublin got into the game with a couple of points and then they got their first goal. We got a little worried but we knew it wasn't going to be easy.

Mayo fought on and went in for the break two points up. They were playing well. I'll never forget Trish at the blow-up for half-time.
- I'm dizzy, I'm dizzy, I'm dizzy in the head!

At the restart, Dublin predictably threw everything at Mayo. And what they threw, stuck. They ran at them and scored and scored including a goal from Jason Sherlock. Before we knew what, Mayo were losing by seven.

We've all seen this before. Mayo come to Croke Park. Light the place up for a half or more only to have it pulled from under them. They find themselves getting beat bad and they drop their heads. We've seen it again and again.

But not this time.

Whether it's Mickey Moran's tough Ulster touch or not, there's a difference to this Mayo team. They stood up and fought back. Two points, a goal and two more. They took the lead, Dublin equalised. Dublin went ahead so Mayo equalised. It went over and back until Ciaran
McDonald scored the winner and what a score it was.

Then the torment as we waited to hear the whistle. Dublin attacked and squandered their attacks. Mayo hung on and hung on. Dublin had another free. They missed it and then it was over.

I looked at Trish and she was nearly in shock. Dublin surely were. My head felt like it was going to come off. My voice was almost gone. I threw my head back and roared at the gods.

Mayo for Sam... will I ever learn?

I am a subject of the Game

Tonight, I go home. Tomorrow, I go and worship at the altar of a fickle god. My Mecca. Connacht are playing Leinster in three games tomorrow; Roscommon v. Meath, Mayo v. Dublin and the big one - Leitrim v. Louth. (Don't heed the papers, Mayo v. Dublin isn't half as important as the Tommy Murphy Cup Final.)

Please, oh please let the Green & Gold of the smallest county in the galaxy... I can't even say it.

But I can shout it - COME ON LEITRIM!

Strandhill

I meant to post this ages ago. I've a court case coming up in Derry. I was due in court on the first Friday of this month. I arranged the day off and Cormac came up from Mohill on the Thursday to bring me to Derry the next day. However, that night, my solicitor called me and told me that
I wasn't needed until September.

So, we instead went to a show - The Blueraincoat's It's a Short Life; great stuff - and instead of Derry, the next day we went to the beach.

Much nicer than a courtroom.








"If I didn't know any better, I'd say she's laughing at me..."


And the man behind the camera...


And that's exactly how he looked on the day.

- No Bob, I don't think the pirate look is on it's way back.
- But we're going to the beach.
- So?
- Well, it's beside the sea.
- And?
- Pirates go in the sea.
- Bob, the bandana...
- You never let me have any fun!

I have a brother...

... who, when my eye pops out accidently in a coffee shop, he'll run to Tesco and get me a new one.

Just out to get me

Mine is a strange job. The shop can be as quiet as the tomb, with me sitting at the till, twiddling my knees or such like. But as soon as I decide to do something non-work related, things go crazy. Just now, everything was quiet and under control so I decided to give my dad a call. I dialled the number and it rang. He picks up - Hello. And in they come through the door in a scrum. Seven - seven! - people from Spain. What could I do but hang up on the man?

You know, I sometimes feel that the business would run a lot smoother without customers. In fact, I'm almost sure there's a name for this attitude. Isn't it called the Sligo Business Initiative or something?

Were Leitrim playing yesterday?

Well, don't ask The Irish times.

From today's Irish Times Sports:

Leitrim ready for final hurdle

Tommy Murphy Cup Semi-finals/Leitrim 2-12 Carlow 0-8: After Niall Barrett and Mark Carpenter put Carlow two points in front after five minutes at Birr yesterday, Leitrim responded to lead 0-4 to 0-2 through points from Shane Foley, Donal Brennan, Noel Doonan and Ciarán Duignan.

Leitrim led at the break, 0-8 to 0-5, and effectively sealed victory 11 minutes from time with a Duignan goal for 1-11 to 0-7.

There was still time for Brennan to add another goal for Leitrim.

LEITRIM: C McCrann; D Reynolds, M McGuinness, D McHugh; F Holohan, B McWeeney, S Foley (0-1); N Doonan (0-1), C Carroll; C Regan (0-1), M Foley (0-1), B Prior; J Glancy (0-2), D Brennan (1-2), C Duignan (1-3). Subs: P McGuinness for Prior, D Beck for M Foley, M Greene for S Foley, D Maxwell (0-1) for Glancy.

CARLOW: G McGuill; B Hannon, S Murphy, J Ryan; B English, J Hayden, P Cashin; P Walsh, D Byrne; A Kelly (0-4, frees), T Walsh (0-1), P Hickey; J Kavanagh, M Carpenter (0-2), N Barrett (0-1). Subs: B Murphy for Barrett, W Minchin for Kavanagh.

Referee: A McAlynn (Derry).

© The Irish Times

--

From today's Irish Independent Sports:

Leitrim end a 12-year Croke Park hiatus

Leitrim 2-12

Carlow 0-8

Tommy Murphy Cup semi-final

THERE were scenes of jubilation following the final whistle as Leitrim returned to Croke Park for the first time since 1994 following an impressive victory over Carlow at Birr yesterday in the semi-final of the Tommy Murphy Cup.

Two second-half goals set up Leitrim for a meeting with Louth at headquarters in two weeks' time.

Carlow set the pace in the early stages with points from Niall Barrett and Mark Carpenter.

Shane Foley opened the Leitrim account after 11 minutes, and there then followed a sequence of seven further points between the 12th and 31st minutes, broken by a 20th-minute point from Carpenter.

As the green and gold dominated the exchanges, led by a potent strike force of Donal Brennan, James Glancy and Ciaran Duignan, Carlow stayed in touch with late points from Alan Kelly and Carpenter to leave the score 0-8 to 0-5 at half-time.

Colin Regan extended the Leitrim lead with a point from play five minutes into the second half, but a Tommy Walsh point reduced the arrears three minutes later as Carlow took the game to a nervous Leitrim.

Two further points from Brennan and Duignan kept Leitrim firmly in control going into the final stages.

Despite good work from Walsh and the excellent Mark Carpenter, the Leitrim defence, led by Michael McGuinness, Dermot Reynolds and Frank Holohan, denied Carlow several scores.

Their frustration gave way to dismay 11 minutes from time when a well-worked move by the Leitrim forwards culminated in a goal by Ciaran Duignan, whose initial shot struck the upright.

However, he collected the rebound and shot to the net to push his side 1-11 to 0-7 in front.

Again Carlow responded through a Carpenter point in the 62nd minute but it was Carlow's last score as Leitrim overran the Carlow defence, and their efforts were rewarded by a second goal from star forward Donal Brennan one minute into injury time.

SCORERS - Carlow: A. Kelly 0-4 (0-4f); M Carpenter 0-2, T Walsh, N Barrett 0-1 each. Leitrim: C Duignan 1-3, D Brennan 1-2, J Glancy 0-2, S Foley, N Doonan, C Regan, M Foley, D Maxwell 0-1 each.

CARLOW - G McGuill; B Hannon, S Murphy, J Ryan; B English, J Hayden, P Cashin; P Walsh, D Byrne; A Kelly, T Walsh, P Hickey; J Kavanagh, M Carpenter, N Barrett.

Subs: B Murphy for Barrett; W Minchin for Kavanagh.

LEITRIM - C McCrann; D Reynolds, M McGuinness, D McHugh; F Holohan, B McWeeney, S Foley; N Doonan, C Carroll; C Regan, M Foley, B Prior; J Glancy, D Brennan, C Duignan.

Subs: P McGuinness for Prior; D Beck for M Foley; M Greene for S Foley; D Maxwell (0-1) for Glancy.

REF - A McAlynn (Derry).

--

Was anyone from the Times even at the game?

Also, why does a limp Dublin v. Westmeath quarter-final warrant four articles in today's Monday Sports while the much better Laois v. Mayo match only gets two?

The Irish Times is a fine paper with a good sports content. Why not have a great sports content? I don't wanna have to buy the Indo again.

Bittersweet

Well, I came back, down to Earth with a bang. Turns out that the GAA has scheduled our final for August 27th - second All-Ireland Semi Final day. That game is between Dublin and Laois or Mayo. Any game involving Dublin is a sell-out. The interest in that county is huge. I was well pissed off that we were billed for the same day. Tickets will be as scarce as hens teeth. I know that this was all arranged before anyone knew who would be playing who, so there's not a lot that can be done. But what I don't understand is why Central Council has moved the Meath V. Roscommon minor semi-final from this Sunday to the same day as our final. That's three games in Croke Park on a day that the Dublin match would sell-out the ground alone. No rhyme nor reason.

I'm not alive; I'm something else

We did it! We did it! We did it! We're going to Croke Park. Leitrim 2-12 0-08 Carlow. Where do we go from here?

Oh boy, oh boy

Just heard that Leitrim are winning 08-05 at half-time. I'm so fucking nervous.